


Feeling the Failure

by TVgirll1971



Category: Whiskey Cavalier (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24546124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TVgirll1971/pseuds/TVgirll1971
Summary: After attending her sister's 30th anniversary party, Susan's insecuirty runs rampant and she ends things with Ray.
Relationships: Ray Prince/Susan Sampson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Feeling the Failure

Susan sulked in the car as she and Ray rode home from her sister’s 30th anniversary party. "Thirty years?" Susan thought to herself. "How the hell has Angela been married thirty years? She’s bossy as hell. How’d her husband manage to put up with her for thirty years?!"

Susan hated going to family parties where she was regarded as “Poor Susan.” That’s what her aunts called her when they thought she couldn’t hear. “Poor Susan. It’s such a shame what happened with her and Ben.” When they’d talk to her they’d give her this look of pity as if to say “You poor dear. I’m so sorry your marriage ended.”

They made her feel like a failure. Making it worse was the fact that all her sisters were married. Susan used to argue that it was the job—it makes it hard, only to be met with “Your sister Eva doesn’t seem to have that problem. She and her husband are both FBI.” Of course, if anyone could make a career marriage work, it’d be Eva. 

Then of course, there were the questions about Ben. “I hear he’s married now. It’s so nice he was able to find someone.” She hated when they brought him up. On the one hand, it was nice that they still thought fondly of him—he was a nice guy, but on the other hand it made her feel as if they were sorry she let him get away.

“You okay?” she heard Ray ask from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah, just thinking.” She reached up and starting fingering his hair. “They really liked you.”

That was the truth, her family did like Ray. Everyone thought he was a great guy. She just couldn’t get her Aunt’s words out of her head. “Hopefully, you’ll have better luck with this one.”

Afterwards, a nagging doubt crept into Susan’s head and wouldn’t go away.

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A week later, Susan sat at the table staring at the ring Ray gave her. He’d asked her to marry him. She should’ve known something was up when he told her not to come home until 630. He said he had something special planned. Then when she walked in to find the place lit up with candles and fine china on the table, the pit in her stomach told her something was up. Then after this elaborate dinner of roast duck, he proposed. She should’ve been happy but for some reason the pit in her stomach just got heavier.

“I—I--I can’t.” she stammered.

“What?” he asked softly, confused. 

Avoiding eye contact, she stammered. “I, I’m sorry. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and I-- I” Suddenly, she looked right at him and took a breath, “I don’t think you and I are going to work out.”

“What you talking about?” Ray asked confused. “Things are going great.”

“No they--I mean, yes, but,” Susan said frustrated. She stood up, “Things just aren’t going to work. I’m sorry. I thought I could do this but I can’t.”

Ray stood up, “Susan, did I do something?”

“No,” she insisted, upset. “This isn’t you. It’s me. I’m just--I’m just not cut out for this.”

“Where is this coming from? Last week, everything was great.”

“I know! I know this makes me a horrible person but, I just, this isn’t going to work between us and it’s--It’s better to find out now rather than later.”

Ray stared back at her dumfounded. That look in his eyes—Susan hated so much that she did that to him. “I’m sorry.” she told him, her voice cracking. “I’ll move out.”

“No.” he replied. “This was your place first. You should stay. I’ll send the team up to get my stuff later.” Dejected, he grabbed his ring and left.

As soon as he walked out, Susan broke down sobbing. 

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The next morning, there was a knock on Susan’s door. As she expected, it was Will.

“Hey.” He said as a greeting.

Susan sighed, “Let me guess. Ray told you what happened.”

“Yeah, So, can I come in?”

“Sure, but it’s not going to change anything.” She said, as she let him enter her apartment.

Will sat down on the couch next to Susan. “Listen, if this is because of the Gigi thing, you know why…” 

“No.” Susan interrupted. “It’s not that. It’s me. Ray and I just aren’t gonna work.”

“Why not?” 

Susan groaned, “Do we really need to talk about this?”

“Yes.” Will stated. “Come on. You used to talk about me and Gigi all the time.” Will responded.

“Because when it happened, you called me up crying your eyes out.” she argued. 

“And you encouraged me to talk about it. What’s it you kept saying? Talking through it would make me feel better. Well, if that applies to me; it applies to you.”

Susan sighed. She hated when he was right. “It’s, it’s like I told you, Ray and I aren’t going to work.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know if I can do it!” she blurted out. After a brief pause where she looked down and ran her fingers through her hair, she elaborated. “Ray told me once that relationships between spies can work. It just takes effort. Well, I got divorced after I became a spy which means I didn’t put enough effort into it.”

Will looked confused. “I don’t think Ray was talking about you and Ben.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Susan admitted. “I didn’t know it at the time, but he was talking from personal experience. *He* made it work. Sure, the outcome wasn’t great but he made it work for six years. So, now I’m thinking, maybe it’s me. Maybe things with Ben failed because I didn’t try hard enough. And if that’s the case, who’s to say I’m going to be able to make it work with Ray?”

Will continued looking perplexed. His normally confident best friend wasn’t making any sense. “Susan, I--I don’t understand. Ray’s not Ben.”

“I know, but... When I got divorced, I told myself it was because Ben couldn’t handle what I did for a living. And that was part of it, absolutely, but what if a part of it was me?“

“Susan, come on. You can’t assume things are going to go south with Ray just because they did with Ben.”

“I know it sounds crazy but Ray deserves to be with someone who’ll put their heart and soul into a relationship and frankly, I don’t know if I’m that person.” 

“Susan, that’s…” Will began.

“Stop, okay?!” she interrupted, as she stood up. “I’ve made up my mind. Ray and I aren’t going to work and that’s that. It’s over.”

Will just sat there staring at her. Susan was one of the most self-assured people he knew. He didn’t know how to respond to this woman in front of him.  


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“I’ve never seen her like that, Ray.” Will said as he sat in Ray’s office. “She was just a puddle of insecurity.” When Ray didn’t respond, Will added “So what are you going to do?”

Ray shrugged. “What can I do? She said it’s over.”

Will looked at him in surprise, “So, that’s it? You’re just going to give up?”

“What am I supposed to do, Will? She says she doesn’t want to see me again.”

“So did I.” Will said. “That didn’t stop you from bugging me for close to a year.”

Ray shook his head. “That’s not the same thing.” 

“Yes, it is.” Will protested. “Look, do you love Susan? I mean really love her?”

“Yes.” Ray insisted.

“Then fight for her.” Will argued. “Fight for her with the same annoying tenacity you did for me. Hell, fight harder.” He softened his tone. “You can’t give up on her, Ray. You never gave up on me; you can’t give up on her.”

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Not long after, Ray arrived at the Dead Drop to give the team their next mission. When the briefing was over, Ray walked over to Susan.

“So, hey, what do you think of us having dinner when you get back? Maybe that Mexican place you like. Have some margaritas..”

“Ray.” Susan interrupted. “I told you we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

“Just dinner.” He argued. “No strings.”

Susan stared at him. “Yeah, no strings,” she thought to herself. “Next thing I know, I’m taking my clothes off.”

“No.” she said out loud, shaking her head vehemently. “I told you. We don’t work. I’m sorry. No.” she then walked away to get as far away as she could.

During the mission, she tried her best not to think about Ray, which should have been a lot easier than it was. The man hardly came on missions anyway so it should’ve been “out of sight out of mind.” Unfortunately, he kept popping up in her head. Then when the mission was over, she came home to find a box of chocolates on her doorstep. _Chocolate from Brussels for the woman who went to Brussels._ the card read. Despite herself, Susan got a chuckle out of that.

As the days went by, Ray sent texts, flowers, balloons. It was starting to get annoying. “Okay, you’re sweet. I know that already.” she said to herself. As the weeks went by, it was more of the same. He made a point to talk to her after every mission briefing and post mission toast. He’d send her gifts, put little notes in the airline tickets he’d get her and every time he was with the team at the Hive, he made a point to stand right next to her. Every time. The man was relentless.

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“Want some advice?” Will asked Susan after she’d gotten her bazillionth text from Ray. 

“Would it matter if I said no?” she asked.

Ignoring the question, Will asked. “Do you remember what you kept telling me when I was upset about Gigi?”

“You have your feelings. Your feelings don’t have you.” she answered begrudgingly.

“You’re scared. You’re scared that things could end with Ray the same way they did with Ben. And who knows? Maybe they will. But…”

Susan interrupted. “You weren’t there, alright! You weren’t there when I told my parents I was getting a divorce. You didn’t see the look in their eyes. I was the only person in our whole family to have ever gotten divorced and it was ALL my fault. But I told myself they were wrong. It was the job, that’s what made it hard. Sure, Eva made it work but that was a fluke, that’s all. Then I find out Ray made it work and think, well, maybe it isn’t that hard. Maybe I just didn’t try hard enough.” 

“Susan,” Will began, “Look, you can’t compare you and Ben with Ray and Joanne. I knew both of them. They’re entirely different people. So are Ray and Ben. You know that.”

“Yeah, but..” Susan began.

“But nothing.” Will interjected. “You’re letting yourself be ruled by fear and that’s not the Susan Sampson I know.“

“I hate when you’re right.” She muttered softly.

“You know who I learned it from?” he asked, as he put his arm around her. “The Queen of the Pep Talk.” 

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Nervous, Susan knocked on the door of Standish’s apartment. Ray had been crashing there ever since Susan dumped him which was less than two months ago but seemed like forever.

“Hey.” Ray said, surprised, as he opened the door.

“Hi,” she replied with a slight smile. “Are you alone?”

“Uh, yeah. Standish is on a date. Come in.”

Though Ray invited her to sit down and offered her a drink, Susan remained standing so she could say what she came there to say.

“I owe you an explanation for how I reacted before.” She explained. “When we first met, I, I assumed that I was the better of us when it came to relationships. After all, I was married and as far as I knew, you went from woman to woman. So, when I found out that not only were you in a serious relationship, but you were actually married for years. “ she paused briefly. “You succeeded where I failed and that scared me because that meant when it came to relationships, I must be pretty lousy.” Suddenly, she grimaced and touched her forehead. “Oh, God. I sound so pequeña now I that I say it out loud.” 

Ray smiled. “I don’t know what that means but I’m sure it’s not true. Look, I know exactly how you feel. I waited for you to break up with me ever since we got together. I was sure it was going to happen. But it’s like what you said in Italy—it’s not fair to end something just because something bad might happen.”

Susan titled her head back and sighed deeply. “Ugh, people have to stop remembering things I say.”

Ray chuckled and pulled her close to him. “I love you. You are one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met and I feel lucky that you’d even sleep with me let alone date me.” 

“Even though I can sometimes be a little nuts sometimes?” she asked.

“I love everything about you.” he responded.

Susan looked down briefly. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I think you’re the better…”

“Susan,” Ray interrupted. “You’re scared. So am I. But I want to spend my life with you.”

“Even now? After I made you leave?” she asked with a grimace.

Ray smiled “Even now. I want to marry you, Susan. I don’t care when—whenever you’re ready. I don’t care how long.”

Susan put her hand on this chest. “What about you come back home and we’ll put a pin in this engagement talk. I’m not saying no. I just need a little time, that’s all. Is that okay?”

“Take all the time you need.” he assured her.

Susan reached up and touched his face. “I love you so much.” she said, her voice cracking.

"I love you more." he replied. Then the pair kissed..

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Susan's family (well, her parents at least) being disappointed in her because of her divorce came from Inferno by Fiery Tribune.
> 
> The "Chocolate from Brussels for the woman who went to Brussels" line was inspired by What Comes After by Huntress87 (in that story, Frankie & Will have a mission in Belgium and Ray tells them they're big on Valentine's Day "because of chocolate.")
> 
> Susan's ex, Ben, was named and seen in my fic "The Whole Package'.
> 
> Ray and Joanne were established in my fic "The Question of Gigi."
> 
> Susan's sister Eva was established in my fic "Agents, Sisters & Profilers"
> 
> What Susan told Ray in Italy is a reference to my fic "Love, Emotions & a Woman Named Angeline."


End file.
